Super Sex Series: Creating Bonds that Last a Lifetime

By: Nicole Colwell, STPRC volunteer

One of the reasons many couples and individuals give for not waiting to have sex is that they want to experience a closer relationship with their partner. They fail to see the value in waiting until they are married to create a strong bond with the person they care about, so they make the decision to take their relationship to the next level.

However, even modern science has started testing out theories regarding sexual activity before marriage. According to an article on the CBN News website, researcher Dr. Joe McIlhaney of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin says that studies have shown that having sex before you’re married could ruin your chances for a healthy, happy and fulfilling marriage later on. 

The Bonding Process

The studies that have been done involve brain scans that studied the effects of sexual activity within the brain. They found that strong chemicals are released that actually create bonds with your partner. While both the brains of both sexes create dopamine, which is an addictive chemical, and can result in addictive behaviors, women’s brains secrete oxytocin when they are intimate with a man. For men, the feel-good hormone is called vasopressin, and it’s been called a type of “monogamy hormone,” emotionally bonding a man to a woman. 

“But We’re Getting Married Anyway”

In committed relationships, many couples rationalize having sex before they’re married because their goal is to get married anyway. The truth is, some of them do, but many of them don’t. For those couples, when the relationship ends, the experience what feels like a divorce because of the bonding process they’ve experienced. They may take some time to be alone, and then they begin looking for a new relationship. If the new couple has sex outside of marriage, the chemical bonding process starts again. 

Creating and breaking these chemical bonds over and over again has its consequences. In fact, researchers believe that the ability to create these bonds is weakened over time. By the time a person is ready to get married, for many people, it’s nearly impossible to form a strong bond with their spouse. It’s also more likely that they will eventually get a divorce. 

Here at the Southern Tier PRC, we understand your sex life is your choice. It’s our goal to provide you with the information you need to make good decisions for your sexual health. If you’ve been struggling regarding a decision to have sex before you’re married, or to wait, and you need someone to talk to, our peer counselors are available to help you. If you’d like to make an appointment, please contact us. For your convenience, you can also click the Appointment button on this page, and make your appointment online. 

*Image courtesy of imagerymajestic, www.freedigitalphotos.net*

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