By Holly Snyder, Executive Director
We’ve talked about chemical bonds that take place during sex, the risk of contracting STDs, the emotions that can take you high and low during a sexual relationship, and what true love looks like. By this point maybe you’re thinking, it sounds great to save sex for marriage, but that’s just not how it’s done anymore. And you’re right. Enjoying sex only in marriage isn’t common anymore, but it’s possible. That’s right, it’s possible. Today, that’s what our discussion will be centered around, practical solutions to save sex for marriage.
It matters who you surround yourself with. We are more likely to live life as our friends do than to live life differently than our friends. If all of your friends are having sex with their boyfriends, than it will be easier for you to have sex and/or do sexual things with your boyfriend. Try spending time with people who are making similar decisions as you are making. These friendships hold a lot of accountability, which all of us need.
Accountability is an important part of saving sex for marriage. Friends make great accountability partners. These people are not only making the same decision as you, but they are encouraging you when when your decision has its rough patches. Just because you make the decision to wait to have sex, doesn’t mean you won’t have the desire to have sex. The friends who will hold you accountable understand that desire, but are there to remind you of the reasons to wait.
Good friends that hold you accountable only go so far. It’s also important that your significant other is on the same page as you also. Consider deciding on boundaries and make them known to your boyfriend. He’s another person you are surrounded by and with who you spend a lot of time.
How, where, and when your time is spent can make a huge impact on your success of the decision to enjoy sex only in marriage. It’s helpful to do something around other people. Something like taking a walk, going to the movies, running errands, finishing homework at the library, going to the park, attending a concert… all together but not in private. There are so many other good reasons to do things together in public for more than just taking your mind off the desire to have sex. It’s also a good time to talk and learn about each other, as well as see the other person in action, i.e. how do they treat you around other people or when they’re mad/tired/stressed, how do they talk about others and treat them. Sometimes it might prove helpful to do these activities with your significant other while being with friends.
These tips are a good place to start if you are making the decision to save sex for marriage. Choosing like-minded friends and having accountability with them, as well as setting boundaries and making them known to your boyfriend, and wisely choosing where, when, and how you spend your time together should help you to accomplish your goal. The staff and volunteers of the STPRC know that your relationships and what you do in those relationships are your choice. We are here to help.
Contact the STPRC if you need a trusted peer-counselor to talk to about your relationship.
Written by the staff and volunteers of the Southern Tier PRC.